Honia-Heal Afrika Initiative (HAI)

Sometimes the weight’s too much, my mask slips, and the pain leaks out
Tears well up, a lump in my throat, heart heavy with doubt
I try to hold it together, put on a smile, pretend
But the cracks are showing, the hurt’s evident in my eyes

Deep down, I’m screaming “Enough!”
I’m tired of the fight, tired of the pain
Why does it feel like I’m walking in the rain?
Drowning in sorrow, lost in the haze
Trying to find solid ground, but it’s slipping away from me

I wonder, “Why me? What did I do wrong?”
The questions swirl, but the answers are gone
I try everything – pray, cry, scream into the night
But the pain just morphs, hides, and hits me again with all its might

I’m lost in the darkness, searching for a light
A glimmer of hope, a reason to keep fighting tonight
But it’s hard to find, hard to hold on
When all I feel is the weight of this world, crushing me down

I’m chasing shadows, trying to grasp the air
Hoping for relief, but it’s nowhere to be found there
I’m trying to outrun the pain, but it’s always one step ahead
Leaving me breathless, leaving me dead

I’m not alone in this dark night
Others are hurting too, but it doesn’t make it lighter, right?
The hurt’s mine, the pain’s mine, and it feels like it’ll never lift
But maybe, just maybe, letting it out is the start of a shift

I’m trying to be strong, but it’s hard to be brave
When the pain’s so real, when the tears won’t wave
I’m trying to find my way, through the dark and the pain
But it’s hard to see, hard to breathe, hard to remain

I’m clinging to the threads of who I used to be
Trying to find myself in the fragments of memories
But they’re slipping away, like sand between my fingers
Leaving me with nothing, but the echoes of my cries

I’m still here, still breathing, still trying
But it’s hard, it’s hard, it’s so hard to keep going
And sometimes I wonder, will I ever find my way out?
Or will I be stuck in this darkness, forever without a doubt?

By Rhoda Wambũi